Finding Purpose in the Pain
Imagine meeting a great guy. He knows how to make you laugh. He’s easy to talk to. He’s definitely easy on the eyes. On paper, he was the perfect match.
Until he wasn’t!
This was my story. I met a guy that I was very interested in getting to know better. I felt good enough about him to want to pursue a relationship…until I got pregnant.
It was a Sunday. I already had a gut feeling that I was pregnant, but I just needed to confirm it. I felt butterflies as I purchased the test and found my way back home. I immediately took the test and covered it. The longest few minutes of my life! I could barely move the cover only to find a positive result.
In that moment, I felt every emotion possible. The second call I made to a friend changed everything. It was one blow experiencing the change in this man. He knew what was coming because he did this on purpose and started to distance himself. It was another blow finding out that he had a whole “girlfriend”. This isn’t how I imagined such a huge life event, but it definitely continued to go downhill.
I said nothing to him until that Tuesday. My nerves were high as I called him in hopes he would come to talk in person. Instead, he lost it after hearing the news. Now, I didn’t expect happy and excited, but I also didn’t expect the things he said. All of a sudden I was stupid, an idiot, a dummy, selfish, desperate, and lonely. At one point he even said “bitch don’t call my fucking phone no more” and hung up. Only to call me seconds later. What was the point? What did I do to deserve to be treated this way?
He eventually showed up to my house. The verbal abuse continued. His only solution was for me to get an abortion. That wasn’t an option in my mind no matter how this situation played out. Me saying no just fueled the fire. He then threatened to kill me and said he could definitely make it happen because he got “power”. He threatened to kill himself and make everybody hate me for it. He went on to stand inches away from me and threaten to choke me.
This “conversation” went on for about an hour. He continued to push an abortion. The more I said no, the angrier he got. He even punched a dent into the trunk of my car. This man tried his hardest to convince me that if I got the abortion we could go back to the way things were, not knowing that I already found out about his lies. He went on to say that if he didn’t already have three kids it would be different. One minute hugging me and the next minute saying he really hates me.
He eventually saw that I wasn’t budging and made his way to leave. On his way out, he continued to give his thoughts as he put his things (that he had to pull out of my trash can) in the little red car and drive off.
From that point forward I went through my entire pregnancy alone. I did my best to keep a smile on my face, but I cried just about every night. I didn’t understand how or why he lied and literally like a light switch changed into the monster I encountered that day. He called my phone a total of two times my entire pregnancy. Once to say he wants nothing to do with me or the baby and another mad because his “girlfriend” called me. Why be mad at me for telling the truth and it going into one ear and out the other? A “woman” who chose to not hold a “man” accountable to taking care of his responsibility. A “man” who definitely has no faithful bone in his body and needs attention from several women at a time. He was never going to be who I thought he was or who I wanted him to be. That was hard to accept, but it is what it is.
In December, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl ever. It’s so cliche, but she has truly given my life purpose. All the hurt and pain, the tears, feeling alone. It was all for a purpose. I’m still sad that she doesn’t get to have that relationship, but I also know he doesn’t deserve her not one bit.
I share my story because I want other mamas to know that it eventually gets better. It’ll take time because I’m still healing. But it gets better. It’s all about finding the purpose in the pain. Those babies will know who was there and they’ll love you for it. My purpose is to help other single moms in any way that I can, which is why SMILE Foundation exists. We are here to take that negative situation and change it around. I didn’t deserve any of it, but I had to go through it to get here. My hope is to make this huge for single moms. Keep SMILE-ing mamas!
